Today I begin again. I have been living in Yakima, Washington for the past 21 months. I am currently sitting at Starbucks waiting for my boyfriend to leave the house to go to work. Once he leaves I can go pack up as much as I can in my little Toyota Corolla, and drive 3 hours over the mountains to my mother’s house. I am leaving for good this time. It has not been a healthy relationship. 2 weeks ago I took a job I didn’t want to take to show him I was committed to our relationship and staying here. Each day I went to work I was overwhelmed. Volunteer Coordinator was the title. My training consisted of learning all the different positions our volunteers do. It didn’t mesh well with my mild autism, depression, and anxiety. Each day I came home exhausted and unable to function the entire evening. My boyfriend just wanted me to be working. Though he did repeatedly tell me he wanted me to be happy. He is on the spectrum himself, but very different from me. One night I left the house while he was in the bathroom. When I came home an hour later he hadn’t noticed I was gone. I don’t want to talk about him much. It is over now. Last night we had one last fight. He threw all the inadequacies he believes I have, in my face. I can’t take it anymore. Here, I am lonely and alone each and everyday. It is not the life I want for myself. It is not conducive to my healing. So I am beginning my healing journey once again, on my own. Stronger and more determined than ever!
My plan is to head over to Western Washington, stay with family and friends for the next month or so until I make a solid decision where my next destination is. I am thinking it is likely Peru, but it may be Missouri, where my sister is. I am trusting the universe to lead me in the direction I need to go.